At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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