nut hugger
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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