I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
