one two three fourrrrnication!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're a waste of cheezeits
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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