from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize