carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
