Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
