how can u be prego again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
