i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
