so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i wish my penis had a tongue
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this just has baby written all over it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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