Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
