I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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