First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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