oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
