I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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