you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
