Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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