Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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