Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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