Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I want to be your penis for a week.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
