At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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