Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
