how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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