so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
