i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
either way he was missing a nipple.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Come share oat with me in your robe
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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