I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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