So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
