Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
