have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
