It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
