Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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