Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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