Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
