I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
