dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
