I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
