I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We need to rekindle our bromance
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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