So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
