i just had sex bonerless
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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