I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
is wine microwaveable?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
