i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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