I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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