ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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