OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
