Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
