he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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