she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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