I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize