dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize