Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize