your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
