He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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