Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
