The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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