That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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