it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
