i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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