apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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