I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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