I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
