wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
