they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
