hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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